"When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it!"

(The title is a line from The Maltese Falcon, uttered by Humphrey Bogart.)

There are so many actors in Hollywood I just cannot stand the hype over them. So much so, I want to find them and smack them hard across the face. Here are five I want to do that to.

Kate Hudson
Ugh, what the hell happened, Kate? You showed so much promise with Almost Famous and now you're doing really crappy romantic comedies. Just give it up. You're not as spunky as your mom. So go do a serious movie, PLEASE.

Jessica Alba
How is she still getting jobs? She is absolutely dreadful as an actress. As a model, she would be fine. But an actress? Good effing Lord, does she even read the scripts she gets?

Katherine Heigl
What I said for Alba can also go to Heigl. Okay, not the model thing, but she is a terrible actress. Maybe a little variety in her work would help, but I would just be so grateful if she would just quit.

Annette Bening
She plays the stuck-up bitch in EVERY BLEEPING MOVIE. I mean, is there one movie she's in where you actually like her? From what I've seen, that's a resounding no. I think she's a good actress; I just want her to play someone you don't want to punch in the face.

Nicolas Cage
Nick, Nick, Nick. What the bloody hell did you do to your career? You having a freaking Oscar, for crying out loud. Why are you making movies that barely put a dent at the box office? I swear, one more crappy movie out of you, I'll find you and bitch slap you hard enough to smack some common sense into you.

Any actors you want to slap silly?

Oh, and thanks for the post idea, Andrew.